I've Decided...

• Ya know I don't think I'm very good at this whole blogging thing...my last post was in July. Much much and many things have occurred since then, and since I'm not much of a writer this might end up sounding like a journal entry, minus gossip things and comments on crushes on boys...well maybe on one. ;) SO I moved out into a beautiful town home with a friend of mine in September, we were having a great time and just getting through the semester. I learned many things from this girl. We became close and a bit more of each others confidants. She has an amazing soul and from my experiences with her I discovered how to better pray, how to better love, how to better listen to the spirit, and how to have an actual relationship with my Heavenly Father. It's not about asking for blessings and things, I mean it is but President Monson has talked about his communion with God as a RELATIONSHIP. He speaks to him as he would his best friend! Bringing all of your problems to Heavenly Fathers feet is not all we can do. Go to him when you have success, go to him when your sad or depressed, but also when your feeling overwhelmed or over joyed...I don't know why I never truly applied this principle till now but it's amazing! 

  A very prominent lesson in my life lately has been a lesson in love. Now I'm sorry If any of you feel that any of this is too personal, but I elaborate and tell stories to explain my reasoning.  

I've asked many people and wondered what the heck real love is, or how someone actually knows that they love someone in return. Movies and T.V. depict love as some gigantic firecracker that just explodes in one moment with one glance with seemingly uncontrollable desires, or love at first sight which is a big time Disney trait, which I'll admit has been a dream of mine ever since I was a wee little girl. I always thought that I would know right away that I loved a man and would marry him. I would see him in the beginning and feel a big explosion of butterflies and be out of my mind twitter-patted. Then and only then would I just KNOW! ya know?! But that's not at all what it is like. For everyone it is different, so I can't compare my experiences to anyone else's, and for some people it might be fireworks all the time. The only time my fireworks started to happen were when I decided to like him, and even then there were times were we would just be hanging out playing just dance, Ticket to Ride, or just chatting like we were the best of friends. We would tell each other secrets and talk about how dumb boys are, and how weird girls are always. :) Anyway the point...I decided. And once it got to a point far past like but not knowing what love was or whatever the heck I was feeling, I was still closed off and had this giant metal gate up. I went to the Lord and told him that this is what I wanted, I wanted to love but I was still terrified of that prospect and was in a lot of tumult and confusion. So like a good little girl with many priesthood brethren's advise roaming around my mind, I took a trip to the temple. I thought that if I prayed hard enough and sat quietly in the temple that I would get my answer...I didn't. So I walked out of the baptistry and waited up in the lobby, and I started to think of everything that I liked about this gentleman and suddenly the spirit encompassed me and told me that everything was going to be okay...."but what about this....and this.. and this..." "Girl! It's going to be okay, and your going to be just fine. Your doing everything right so you really need to relax! He is a very choice man and he will make you very happy."And then after that walking out of the temple I tripped and fell on my keester, which I think was my roommates and God's way of telling me not to take my self so seriously. :) Anyway ever since then, when I decided that I wasn't going to die or break a heart and I DECIDED to love him, it has grown into a Disney and a somewhat firework love. I don't know how many other girls or guys have problems letting someone in, I assume many, but once you have the desire, just like the gospel, if you have a desire to know the truth, you will! Love isn't something that happens instantly or over night, it takes lots of time, and work!! It really is built on the gospel, friendship, mutual respect, and trust with much room for growth in all areas. That's what I learned about love. And I hope to always keep learning. The Lord knows us, and he knows what we need. Just have faith and hold on! He'll take you on a ride you never dreamed possible.

Rebeckah

My pals

These are some of the best poeple I know. They make me feel loved and accepted. Especially these girls, I feel like a Gem when ever I'm with them.

I also have my wierdo goofy cutie pie friends, whom I can do anything and say anything in front of and know that they will definitely know what I'm talking about...                  

I mean how many times can you fart, burp, or simply let anything loose in front of someone before they just stop talking to you...?? These guys ALL understand!! :D

Look at how CUTE this guys is. I mean do you they make em any better?! ;D

Look at this girl....She's nutts. :) But its the crazy good nutts that is so enduring that you cannot help but love her guts!! I absolutely adore her, and I have never simply adored anyone! :)

You'll never meet more incredible men than these two gentlemen right here. They have looks, they have charms, they have....cars. ;) but seriously I am always spiritually uplifted when ever I am around these either of these guys. I want to be a better person, and having friends that make me feel that way, I've discovered helps me feel not only closer to the Lord, but a better friend.

Sorry about this picture. No matter what I tried he always stayed sideways....:)

So there you go, my pals. They keep me in my right place and I always feel in the right place when I am with them. They don't judge, they tease, play, give advise, make things better or right...make my life better, and I am definitely a better person for knowing them. So thanks pal for all you have done!

Moving on...who does that???

     When exactly do you KNOW it's time to "move on" really? How much do you actually need to sit back and watch other people change their lives, before you do it too? My theory is, you NEVER do!

     I seem to remember that, at one point in my life, I used to be a very spontaneous, jumping in with both feet kind of person with out thinking about the consequences, may they be good or bad. A while ago it seemed that all those choices brought me were bad consequences, so I decided that I needed to grow up and be more responsible. I needed to think about what moving out would cost me, what going to a college in California would actually do for me, how I would live, the kind of bills I would always need to stress about, the family and friends I would lose...I felt better about my decisions to stay home, to live a "normal" boring couple of semesters, once I made the decision.

     It's funny, I didn't truly realize what kind of things I would learn. I thought staying home would be a breeze, it would be easy to live my life just how It had been. But it hasn't been easy at all. I know now something remarkable about myself. I LOVE change. I need change! I can't stand it when I see change happening before my eyes and I'm not apart of it. It completely kills me, to see people move on, get married, make babies, grow up, travel to faraway lands learning and doing so much good, that they themselves, are changing as people. Do you know what I mean? This isn't really about me having a purpose because I know what that is; having a relationship with my Heavenly Father, my family and that one significant person who will eventually make you so happy, you'll have babies and wonder why you were ever so worried or unhappy about life in the first place. I know my purpose. But not being this spontaneous, listening to your gut kind of person is someone I miss. 

     I don't want to worry about not moving on, about waiting for things to happen. But I think that this is life. Real life. And getting in car accidents, having to ask your parents for help, having to help your family in tough spots, asking for guidance, trusting God, knowing that if you have anything to offer the world and others, Heavenly Father will see to it that you get the chance to give....and give and give. That's what it's all about, giving and jumping in, and trying to move on and hope and pray, that the things you do will change your life.

Just the Beginning

I have been sitting here for about 15 minutes trying to come up with a clever and witty way to start off a new chapter in my life, aka this blog, and the best I could come up with was; life is pretty weird and no matter what the crap you do, it will change, and that's exactly what has happened in the past 6 months of my life. Mind you nothing horrible or ground breaking, just somethings that I have discovered about myself and life as I know it. I've learned that in the mornings when get up to go to school, you don't ever have cold pizza for breakfast; when you sign up for classes, you do it with in the time realm of at least an hour after your used to getting up, always have a pen, pad, gum, lip gloss and some sort of granola bar in your bag through out the day, don't schedule your days back to back where you do one thing one hour and then another totally separate thing the next hour on the opposite end of the county, get to know a friend who's house is extremely close to your premises while in school, where you can crash every once in a while, yes A-rump I LOVE your couch and fluffy blankets! One thing that has completely saved me this last year was 65 amazing people, who all know who they are. Having that many people whom you can call up at any given moment and go bawl your guts out too, or know you will laugh so hard your guts will split by just hanging out with them, is a blessing. Something that the Lord has shown me is not only how independent I can be but how much I can and want to rely on my friends. These people are a beacon and an inspiration. I want to be the kind of friend they are to each other. We have shared secrets and stories and heart aches and successes and trials...but you know what the best part about all of this is? You know, that no matter what else happens in our futures, where we go or whom we marry, we will be able to say that all of us made a difference in at least one person's life. And if you don't know who that person was, assume that It was me, because it's true. I have had an incredible year so far. Many things have not turned out how I planned or wanted, but I know it's what God wants. He is reaching out his hand to steady me and make sure that I don't trip and fall off of stuff (well in the spiritual sense that is).And if there's one thing that I actually have learned from my college experience thus far; it's that I can do it! With the help of my savior and the love of my family and the people I care about, I can so do it!